Strong enough to stay mad.
to not let this happen
to hold a grudge.
to hold these feelings.
to let them know what's actually happening.
to not sluff it off.
to remember.
to not be o.k in time.

FUCK.

It's happening. Every time someone does something shitty to me, I go through all of the above feelings. Whether it be a girlfriend who's done something wrong, a friend who's crossed me, a frustrating person, or something similar.

I hate finally breaking.

I know it's supposed to be the right thing to do. I know it's supposed to make me a better person. "No-one should hold those feelings inside forever" They say.

...Well I WANT TO. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE CASUAL CONVERSATION WITH AN EX. That casual tiny uncomfortableness and feelings of curiosity drive me INSANE.

I'd much rather scream at them every time we talk. It would shock them, remind them of how they hurt me. Show them that I'm not the type of person to forget. I'd rather hold this feeling of hate forever so that it will remind me to never let it happen again.

Sounds pretty awful, but in truth, I will never be able to do it. I forgive, I forget. I tell them things are good. I don't hold a grudge. I get better with time.

But I wish I didn't, cause it means it could happen again, and that sucks so much.

EMOTIONAL SHIT FINISHED RIGHT HERE --------------------------------------

Update from a couple weeks ago.
http://warrickneff.newgrounds.com/news /post/57076
I'm still trying hard to do 10 sit-ups every time I post. I'm a couple hundred behind, but as long as I keep remembering, I do some pretty good work out days.

I'm guessing I've done about 1500 sit-ups. My abs feel a lot stronger, although no "real" visible difference jumps out immediately. My cut lines down my groin are lookin' pretty sweet though.